Beat
by his querida
Summary: Just a short ficlet while I work through my writer's block for my story run away... Babe story as always. Steph finally admits how she feels about Ranger after the Scrog affair R/S please R & R rating to be safe
1. Gone

**Gone**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Janet Evanovich's characters**

_a/n so this is just a short little ficlet that I got into my head. And no, I haven't given up on run away but as well as a lot of stuff that has been going I've had a pretty bad case of writer's block. But it is on its way! Enjoy!_

It was two in the morning and I was still awake. Usually, this would be an oddity in my life. I wasn't a night person. Or a morning person. Really, I was just a midday till maybe 8 person. But that's not the point. This had really become a routine for me. Throw myself into my work during the day, go home, eat something that Ranger wouldn't even call food for dinner, waste my time one way or another until there was nothing left to do, climb into bed and wait for exhaustion to force my body to sleep and wake up the next day early, hoping that Ranger would be there to make me run but knowing he wouldn't be.

I could feel myself sag as my traitorous mind mentioned Ranger's name. I knew I was in love with him. I'd finally accepted that when I saw his body on my apartment floor. The thought still haunts me that he could have died and never known. So, when he called me to tell me he was leaving, I asked to meet him in his apartment.

_Flashback_

_I wiped sweaty palms on my jeans as I walked towards Ranger's apartment. I will not back down from this I told myself firmly. Imagine if he doesn't return from this. He deserves to know how I feel about him, even if he could never return the feelings. He had told me more than once that his life and relationships didn't mix. I took a deep breath and let myself into Ranger's apartment. _

_He was on his couch on his laptop, clearly waiting for me, otherwise he'd be down in his office. _

_He stood up when I came in, a small smile on his lips. I drew in a shaky sigh and looked down at my feet. Shit, maybe I couldn't do this._

_I heard footsteps approach me. But it wasn't until Ranger's fingers lifted up my chin that I looked at him. He looked concerned, his dark eyes unusually unsettled. 'Babe?' his voice is soft and questioning, looking deep into my eyes as if to see what was bothering me by just looking at me. Mind you, it seemed to be a more common occurrence with him then I was willing to admit. Damn ESP._

_I took a deep breath, trying to remember why I came here tonight. __**You love him. You love him. You love him. Stop being such a chicken and tell him. **__I repeated that mantra in my head for a few moments before I had the courage to open my mouth. 'Ranger, I wanted to talk to you before you left tomorrow.' He nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the couch and onto his lap._

_Cuddling into that oh so familiar warm chest, I worked up the courage to open my mouth again. After a minute of breathing in the scent that was purely Ranger, bulgari, gun powder and something that was just pure him, I pulled away to look into his eyes. 'I don't know how to do this Ranger. I __**don't**__ do this. And it's hard.' I paused for a moment and saw him nod minusculey. _

_I blew out a sigh and continued. 'The Scrog affair scared the shit out of me Ranger. And not because he kidnapped me; not because he kidnapped your daughter; hell not really even because he strapped a bomb to my chest. What scared me was seeing you on the floor of my apartment, not knowing if you were dead or dying.' _

_I took another deep breath, mentally armouring myself with the unknown yet gentle emotion in Ranger's eyes, the warmth of his embrace. 'I was scared shitless that you were dead, and I'd never be able to tell you how much I love you.'_

_I looked down as I said this, not quite brave enough to look Ranger in the eye when I said those three little words. 'And now you're going away again to who knows where, and I had to make sure you knew before you left.'_

_After a moment of silence, I looked up to see Ranger looking at me seriously. 'You love me babe?' His voice sounded almost astonished. I felt myself smile, bottom lip slightly trembling as I nodded, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I saw brilliant joy spill plainly across his features, unable to be contained by that notorious 'blank mask'. _

_The joy on his face not slipping, his lips crashed down on mine, victorious and ecstatic. I kissed hungrily back, not wanting to loose the man pressing me into the couch. _

_Eventually, he broke away, his eyes shining, and rested his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes, a smile on his lips. 'Love you too babe.' I felt myself relax muscles I didn't know I'd tensed at his words. I let my eyes flutter closed too. We stayed in this relaxed pose for a minute or two before I felt his lips softly caress mine. I let my eyes open to see that his eyes were looking deeply into mine. He let his lips touch mine lightly before his eyes locked again with mine. 'Will you stay with me tonight Steph.' _

_I felt a few tears creep down my cheeks. He was leaving tomorrow. Leaving. I wasn't willing to let him go yet. I nodded with another smile and kissed him again slowly. Smiling at me softly, he lifted me up in his arms. For the first time I realized that his gaze shared an equal portion of love and lust. It didn't seem like that different a gaze then usual, maybe more open. But I knew it hadn't always been that way. There was definitely a time that his glance was full of lust alone. That gaze that always brought on a low tingling in my belly. I bathed in that glance, memorising it for when he was off battling the evil of the world. I reached up to stroke his cheek as he carried me through his bedroom door._

It had been two months since that night. And I wasn't coping. Not really. I think I was fooling everyone though. Except maybe Lester. He'd been keeping a strangely close eye on me, like he could tell I wasn't alright. I was trying to avoid him. His scrutiny always put me on edge. He always found a way to be near me though. And even though he sometimes made me uncomfortable with his unrelenting gaze, he treated me like his little sister. The others did too, but not as much as Lester.

In the absolute quiet of my apartment, a shrill ring cut through it like fingers on a chalkboard. After jumping about a foot in the air, I picked up the phone next to me, trying to quell down the excitement that was asking why anyone would call me this early in the morning.

'Hello?' I answered, subconsciously holding my breath as to who was on the other end and why. 'Steph?' Damn it. My hope was desperately clawing back, mingled with my fear, when I heard Lester's voice. 'Les? Is there a reason you're calling me at 2 in the morning? I mean it's not even really a time people usually call other people. Even to go running it would still…'

'Steph!' Lester's voice cut through my nervous rambling. I shut up and waited for him to continue. 'He's back Steph.'


	2. Back

**Back**

**Disclaimer: I'll say it again people. I do not own Janet Evanovich's characters!**

I felt my heart stop and my throat constrict at the words I wanted so badly to believe. It was every fantasy that I'd had during my most recent form of rest. However, it was Lester's answer now that would differentiate between dream and nightmare.

'He's back?' I whispered back into the phone after a moment's silence on my part. I could almost hear Lester's resolve in informing me waver before continuing. 'Yeah Steph, I figured you want me to call you but it is late…'

Widening my eyes, I threw my legs over the side of the bed. 'No no,' I said quickly into the receiver, trying to find something decent to wear. Finding a random pair on pants strewn on the floor, followed by a nearby shirt I threw them on not even noting if they matched.

'Are you at Haywood?' I said, rushing frantically for my keys, not bothering with shoes and quickly made my way through the door, hastily locking it, although redundantly as pointed out to me time and time again by Ranger as well as the merry men.

'Yeah Steph he's on the 7th floor in his apartment.' I heard him hesitate on the line again and I felt my heart beat twice as fast at the indecision. 'He's a bit beat up though beautiful.' My heart seemed to beat even faster before he quickly continued. 'He's alright though. You don't need to worry but I thought you'd want to know before you went in there.'

'Thanks Les. I'll be there in 10.' I hung up on the man that had become one of my closest friends during the last 2 months as I hurriedly made my way to my car. Slamming the door shut, chucking my phone into the back seat, I vaguely heard my tires squeal as I took off out of the parking lot.

Before I realised it, I was outside Haywood. I didn't even realize that I'd driven. My mind was full of flashing images of Ranger injured at varying degrees of seriousness. I punched the garage button on my key-fob. As it opened, I parked my car in the closest park I laid my eyes on.

I jumped out of the grimy car and ran for the lift, thankful that it was there waiting for me and immediately swiping for the 7th floor. I stood impatiently as the lift seemed to move in slow motion towards the top floor of the building.

I felt my stomach churn at the thought of what I might find in his apartment. My throat closed off at the thought of the condition his body may now be in. Battered; Bruised; Bloody; Broken. Like a record stuck on repeat, these words turned over in my head, making the stirring in my stomach further quicken.

I heard the doors open and quickly noticed that I was still only on the 5th floor. Lester came bounding in; quickly moving to hold me tightly in a bear hug, not allowing me to slip to the ground as I now felt like doing. I felt my stomach lurch again and Lester held me firmly as I dry heaved, thankfully not actually throwing anything up.

I'd been waiting for this day for an uncountable length of time. Now that it was here though, I feared it more than any other moment in my life. I heard, on the fringe of my conscious thoughts, Lester speaking to me soft words of Spanish in my ear, trying to calm me from my near hysterical state.

I felt my body relax slightly at the sound of his quiet voice and I focused all my attention on getting to Ranger, finding him and doing anything that was needed.

I let out a final shudder as my breathing returned to normal and I felt one of Lester's arms loosen and pull away long enough to press 7 again. I concentrated on making my breathing more level to ensure I had some façade of calm for when I reached Ranger's apartment.

Finally, the lift's friendly ding pronounced our arrival on the 7th floor. Lester released his unyielding grip on me, standing just behind me, silently encouraging me to leave the security of the lift.

Holding my key in a death grip, I wobbled out of the lift towards his apartment door. I heard the lift doors close behind me as I stood alone in front of Ranger's door. Forcefully, I shoved the shaking key into the lock, attempting to leave behind all doubtful and fearful thoughts as I unlocked and then gently and quietly opened the thankfully well-oiled door to his apartment.

The door swung open noiselessly to reveal a dark and silent apartment. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that the apartment was completely empty. I lay my apartment keys gently on the small table by the door, careful to not let them clang together or bang against the table as I set them down.

Without turning on any of the lights, afraid to disrupt Ranger's well-earned sleep, I blindly made my way through the apartment. Not that it was much of a challenge. I had already known Ranger's apartment pretty well and every now and again, when I was really lost without him, I'd 'sneak' up here for a few hours until I could face the world again.

Of course, the merry men knew I was up here, but it remained a taboo topic between us. I knew they knew I was up there and they knew I knew they knew but they were smart enough to shut up. It worked out well for all of us.

Being careful of any carelessly disregarded luggage or clothing, I made my way across the living room to his bedroom. On a childish impulse, I did so on my tiptoes so I made as little noise as possible, although in reality probably making an equal amount of sound any way.

I walked under the doorframe of his bedroom and froze in my tracks. Visible only because of the moonlight slipping through hastily closed drapes of the room, was the man that had been missing from my life for the last couple of months.

Just with the sight of him, I felt the crippling ache in my heart ease. Silently moving, almost afraid that if I moved and quicker or to close he would disappear like a mirage; I crept closer so I would be able to see any graze or gouge that marred his skin.

_a/n please please review. You know you wanna. Look at the pretty newish button! It's right there just waiting to be pressed! Thanks! Layla._


	3. thump

**Thump**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own any of Janet Evanovich's characters, just this plot**

_A/n thanks for all the lovely reviews I received. They really do make me want to write faster for you guys : ) _

A quick scan showed no major broken bones. I couldn't see any casts, though that didn't speak for his ribs. Unfortunately, the only way to ensure that they were not harmed would wake him and put him in a very irate mood.

As desperate as I was to talk to him, I wasn't sure I wanted him awake at all right now. Even without knowing the extent of injuries yet, I knew he'd be bone tired after his 2 month long disappearance.

As I got closer, it was easier to see that the before perfect shade of mocha skin was no longer one colour. Rather, it was littered with yellow, green, blue, purple and red. Deeper cuts and markings also meant that small crisscrossed patches of black appeared almost as regularly on his skin.

I could almost feel my face whiten at the sight and I knew I didn't want him awake right now. I couldn't even imagine the sort of pain he was in. They must have given him some sort of sedative before he fell asleep because I knew, even as exhausted as he would have been, it would be impossible to sleep in that amount of pain.

The thought caused my throat to swell again at the sight of him. My eyes were filling with unwanted, if not warranted, tears. I was almost afraid to move any closer now, to see any clearer the extent of the injuries that covered his body.

I paused before moving closer, fighting the instinct to close my eyes, skip back to denial land and just repeat over and over in my head that everyone knows no one can take down Batman.

Taking a shaky breath, I took equally shaky steps forward until I stood by the side of Ranger's bed. That he hadn't woken up, sensing my presence the way I could always sense his, spoke of how drained his usually inexhaustible body was.

If that thought hadn't scared me enough, seeing Ranger this close certainly filled in the gaps of some before repressed nightmares. This close, I could see every cut, both narrow and deep. Differently coloured bruises, some the size of small pellets and others the size of the butt end of a log, covered his skin.

Wherever he had been, they hadn't treated him kindly. I could see dried blood around the skin millimetres away from his hair line. His hair was mussed, not pulled back in its usual horsetail, but lying relatively flat around his head. It was still short, but had evidently grown in his trip to who knows where.

He was sprawled uncharacteristically across the middle of his bed, limbs dangling left and right. The simple sight of him lying in such an odd way sent another shockwave straight through to my heart.

I edged as close to the bed as I could without falling onto it. For a few moments, at least what felt like a few moments, I just stared at his face. I memorised every mark that was on his face that hadn't been there a few months ago.

The cut under his eye. The purple bruise high on his cheek. The cut on his forehead. The mostly healed scrape that followed the bruise. I memorised each image in my head, vowing to never let him get this hurt again.

'Banged up.' Geez, as much as I appreciated the head's up, Lester's dictionary really needed an update.

Bending down, I carefully rested my weight on the very edge of his bed, resting slightly on my knees. Feeling like an insecure child but unable to stop myself, I reached out with a slightly shaking hand to hover just under his nose.

Silently, I held my breath, waiting to feel his. I let out a rush of air when I felt his breath warm my fingers and I moved my hand back to lay limply by my side. Lester had _told_ me he was fine, but it wasn't until I felt his breath on my fingertips that I really believed that Ranger had come home in one piece.

The realization had me desperately holding back tears again. I wasn't through with my inspection. I told myself that I could break down afterwards.

From where his feet were sticking out from under the sheet, I could see that they were at least mostly unscathed. Except the bottom side which was pretty badly scratched up. I could bet that walking around couldn't exactly be pleasant for him right now but at least there were no gaping holes.

His arms were a different story, from what I could see of them. They were the worst visible part of his body. His arms were littered with cuts which were then generally followed by a row of stitches.

Although most of his body was covered by a sheet, the top part of his chest remained uncovered. I could feel a small amount of the tension leave my body as I saw it was also mostly unscathed.

Right now I was hoping to God that the currently hidden part of his body was relatively untouched.

My eyes were starting to sting now from withholding tears. I was sick of being strong. I'd been strong for 2 months now and my walls were starting to crumble. I needed to touch him, to feel that he was with me, not just to see it. I needed to be absolutely sure that he was really inches away from me.

I leaned further forward until I was totally kneeling on the bed, my feet no longer touching the floor. That Ranger still hadn't woken up, even in his condition, surprised me. Just being in the same building as me used to send off the bat signal.

Cautiously, I placed my palm on his forearm, shuddering a sigh of relief when I felt his warmth radiating off him. It was a constant that had not been altered over the last two months.

I kept my hand lying on his arm for a few more seconds, soaking up his warmth. Though unusually, for once, I was the one silently offering my strength.

Without shaking the bed, I slowly slid closer, avoiding his haphazardly spread arms. Gently, I lifted my idle hand to place it in the middle of his chest. I felt it lift ever so slightly as he let out a shallow sleepy breath.

Still not showing any signs of wakening, I gradually lowered my head until it was lying on his chest. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply and listened to the quiet ka-thump of his heart, listened to it beat after beat. I was frozen in place, almost afraid to move away in case his heart stopped if I stopped listening.

I listened over and over to the steady ka-thump of his heart, never wanting to leave my cemented place on his chest as I listened to the continuous ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump.

As the sound vibrated through me, I felt my own heart slow to meet the pace. As I felt my heart slow, I felt the heavy feeling in my chest lighten as I was finally convinced that Ranger was back.

_A/n alright everyone you know the drill. Press the button. Write what you think. Press Submit Review and voila! I hear what you all think and the story gets better! And if your undecided about whether or not to review, go on the safe side and review :D oh and if you feel like reading another Babe story, check out my story Run Away :P Thanks guys_


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